Day 54

Yesterday afternoon I had too many glasses of wine - BAD BAD BAD idea. Alcohol is a depressant and only makes things a million times worse. I woke up around 2 am and I missed him so much that I thought I would die. The thought of never seeing him ever again is like a thousand huge drops of pain raining down on me. I'm drowning, I'm drowning. Note to self : No more drinking for a long, long time. I feel an emptiness and loneliness inside Me that I never had before. If this were 20 years ago he wouldn't be dead.

The strength and amount of drugs on the street right now is horrific, so many of our youth don't stand a chance. Many many more will die before this gets any better. I pray to God that it does get better. The casualties keep piling up; our children keep dying, and life apparently goes on. Drastic steps need to be taken. And those doing drugs will hopefully realize that they could be dead any day, maybe tomorrow, hell, perhaps today. And they won't be the only ones hurting because when they die they cause a world of pain beyond belief for so many others. I pray for them. I pray they can realize how important they are to the world, how loved they are. I pray that they stay alive long enough to get help for themselves. I pray they don't end up dead like my son who will never get a second chance. Because people only have so many chances, and when those chances are up the outcome may be as finite as death. RIP.

Everyone keeps saying that you never get over the death of a child, and this annoys me greatly. Because when you think about it ~ does anyone ever completely get over the death of anyone who was close to them? Or for that matter, do any of us really get over any large trauma in our lives? Because my son is dead does not mean that I have to live my life in perpetual sadness.